How are you supposed to let go? After all this time and effort there comes a time when you must let go. Maybe it is just a process of going through everything to get to a certain place where you can no longer afford to hang on, to let go and let the current take you where it needs to. That’s where we are supposed to be. Right here, right now is where we are supposed to be. The resistance is what causes all the pain.
I have let go of the fact, on a daily basis, that I can no longer use alcohol and drugs safely. I know that there was a great deal of resistance going on over the years pertaining to stopping, and they’re also was a great deal of pain but I had to go through that to get to where I am now. It is very similar to all of life as well. Same process. Truth has a way of just nailing you to the wall.
It is a different season in life, a new season where everything changes just like winter, spring, summer, and fall. A new start. Life has different seasons too.
Whenever I think of the pain of the change, I am learning how to turn the thoughts over. Not like turning over pancakes, but turning over the thoughts so they just break apart. After turning it over, I become conscious of what is to come next. It is kind of a meditation of the direction I am to take. Just do the next right thing. Do what is in front of you. There is no need to know what is coming, just try and relax and let it happen. How many bad decisions have been made jumping into something, without thinking about where your feet are?
Letting go is a spiritual awakening. It is a realization that what lies ahead really isn’t all that important, right now is what is important. It is a feeling that all is going to be o.k., it is the grace of a higher power, to recover from addiction and depression, by the grace of liberation protocol that has come about to give a daily reprieve from all the pain and suffering that has really been self-inflicted. It is time to move in the right direction toward what is intended for us, to become who and what we were meant to be, that we otherwise would never have come to see if we stayed where we were.
Pain is a great motivator, yet it is also a sign that something is wrong. Letting go of something that causes you great pain will give you freedom. And that is all we really need is the freedom to feel peace.
A friend of mine that I have known for many years was kind enough to tell me that as long as he has known me, my life has been out of balance. He commented that it seemed I was always “Chasing” after something.
Now, this came from a good guy, I always value his suggestions, and there is, in fact, a great deal of truth to what he said.
Balance. If you are “in the 12 step rooms” you will sometimes hear this as a topic for discussion. And if you have been around long enough you probably have been given some unsolicited advice from someone that can see your life clearly, yet is still very blind to their own lives. Typical recovering drunk telling you what’s wrong with your life while his has been way outta control for quite some time. Oh well. Enough about that rant.
Balance is something that is constantly elusive even for those folks that do not have depression and or substance abuse issues.
Our lives are always out of control in some areas. I know that when I was drinking and drugging, I paid no mind to balance in my life. I suppose I drank enough booze to balance out the cocaine that I snorted and the pot that I smoked.
The thing about balance is this: there will never come a time where everything in your life is in balance. There are always areas in our lives that need our attention. When things are good at work, things may be dysfunctional at home. You get the idea.
If you drank and drugged or had severe depression or bipolar, or for those of us that are most fortunate to have both, we cared little about balance. Now that we are getting sober, we realize that life can get very messy sometimes. But that is just the way life is. We often tried to escape this fact by doing what we do best!
That’s something that you don’t hear that often in the rooms. Life gets very messy and there ain’t nuthin y’all can do about it except accept it! If you ain’t getting down and dirty, you ain’t living life!
So my dear friend was right. I am always chasing something. However, I am right where I am supposed to be. I did not want to tell him that from my perspective, his life was waaaaaay outta control. It is funny how we are able to see our own faults very clearly through others. That is just the nature of the beast.